Our Angel: Round About to Lift Us Up
Three years ago today I stood with my girls beside a wooden box. Tears filled our eyes and ran down our faces. Grandpa (Brian's Dad) stood stiff as a board; trying hard not to show any feelings. Perhaps not wanting to break down in front of my little girls. We were given markers to write our feelings of love and tenderness; our goodbyes on the box. That's when I felt him standing beside me. I was overcome with peace. How could I cry tears of sadness in missing Brian when I felt him so strongly by my side? I could not. I was warm. I was comforted. I knew Brian existed in some new form. He was lifting us up, supporting us in this - the most difficult time of our lives.
Pressing the big red button was really tough though, even with Brian there. So difficult. So very difficult. This was my beautiful husbands remains from a terrible flying accident where his body was burnt. And here I was sending what was found in the rubble back into the flames: his tall, slender body, his tender hands, his fast running feet, his strong bike riding legs, his dark curly hair, gentle hazel eyes with flecks of gold. (What was really left of him laying in that box, I did not know. I was told it was his torso.) I watched as the box made its way down the conveyor belt until the metal door closed. How is it possible to be at your most painful grief-stricken moment in your life and to also feel peace? Brian was with us the whole time.
He is still their Daddy. He still loves them and cares about what they learn and who they become. He is still his father's son. They have now been reunited. His is still my eternal companion, one of my very best friends. And even though I have faith that we will both be reunited again and both be resurrected as the Savior's Atonment promises, I still miss him. The tears are fewer and far between but I will always miss him. Until we meet again - Brian is our angel.
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