Something wonderful happened to me the other day. I don't wish to announce it to the world so let it suffice that I had been wanting an "object" for some time. I prayed about it to make sure I wasn't being greedy, and then one of my younger daughter's reminded me to,"send it out into the universe," because a goal isn't a goal unless written down with a date and specific details. It's just a dream. Well, I followed her advice and did so. That very day as my family and I went looking for this "thing" again, a small miracle happened and we found ourselves in possession of said object.
It was a wonderful surprise. I was shocked. But then I started to weep, then cry. I did not feel I was worthy of such a gift from my Father in Heaven. I felt guilty, confused, selfish, spoiled and sad. Yet, I didn't feel it was a bad choice. (Hard to articulate.) I wondered if I, me, little me, deserved such a thing. My husband was very confused and said we could get rid of it. This was not what I wanted to hear. But, since he does't speak "girl"I decided to translate my girl language for him. I needed to be reassured that I was good enough to have nice things.
I wondered if I had done any good…as the LDS hymn goes, "Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheered up the sad or made someone feel glad?…"Had I done anything like this to be worthy? Was Heavenly Father blessing me? I had a hard time accepting that.
(#223 Have I Done Any Good?)
So I cried a lot that night. My husband assured me and I had my own spiritual assurance as well. However, as soon as I felt the judgement from a loved one or friend, ouch. The adversary would tell me I didn't deserve anything nice.
Well, Satan- you're wrong!
Let's look at the differences between self worth and self-esteem with some help from Ardeth….=)
"
Self worth cannot be earned. It is a part of our divine nature as children of God." (
Ardeth G. Kapp, "Doing What We Came To Do" p. 15)
(It's interesting how you can read a book and then feel the need to go back and find what you need. So, here's a whole whack of quotes from her book, cuz I need to quote them for me and for you.)
"Feeling loved, with an assurance of our infinite worth, has a tremendous effect on our ability to accept and love others."
" The source of all righteous love is centred in God. A feeling of who we were, who we are, and
who we will always be. We did not come to this earth to gain our worth; we brought it with us."
"
Worth is constant and unchanging. It is a fact that worthiness does not determine wort. You cannot sin enough to change your worth to the Lord who loves you. In Jacob 2:21 this principle is explained very clearly: 'And the one being is as precious in his sight as the other."
(check out
Psalm 49:8,
Alma 31:35 and
Isaiah 13:12 as she suggests, to find a little evidence)
"
Self-esteem is defined as 'a confidence and satisfaction in oneself' (Meririam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary). In other words, it's your perspective of yourself…Circumstances of life appear to have a tremendous influence on self-esteem, to the extent that people who have been verbally, emotionally or physically abused may even respond as they have been treated…That's a challenge we all face - to not allow our perception of ourselves to be negatively impacted by the way we might sometimes be treated."
(Italics and bold added by me =)
"God loves all of you! From your eyelashes down to your toenails, He sees marvellous perfection. When He looks at you, He does not complain and say, 'Oh, I'd like you better if you had fuller lips and caramel highlights.' That never enters His mind."(
Precious in His Sight, Seeing Yourself as God Sees You by Jodi Marie Robinson p. 38…this is another book worth discussing)
So, I have been blessed with many wonderful blessings. My children, my two husbands, (one on either side of the veil), health, wisdom, increasing talents, new experiences, and new "things". Even though that woman at the gym this morning was without body fat, I will think about her on the inside (which probably has no body fat either! haha Just kidding.) I will love my curves and my all my edges* and I will try to remember that I already have worth. My self esteem is my perspective of myself and I will love myself and that should transfer into loving others more. I have already seen a bit of this which I explained in my previous post entitled
Summer Milestone. Now if we could just be happy for each other and not jealous….
well, good luck on
this journey!!
*(John Legend "All of Me" song )
