How grateful I am for the gospel. How grateful I am for other people's experiences that teach me. How grateful I am for other people's talent. A short time ago, my husband, and I with some family members went to the movie (based on a true story) Heaven is For Real. I have been reading much about near death experiences and so was not shocked by what was said. I saw wet eyes, and tears running down peoples cheeks, and I heard much sniffling throughout the theatre. I cried and covered my face when they showed fire. The best parts for me were when they spoke about the Saviour's eyes. The theatre fell silent. Again, at the end when they showed His face, the theatre took on a reverence. It was fantastic! So many people learning about/remembering our Saviour, Jesus Christ and being respectful. Often in secular films depicting the Saviour, this is not the case. Films miss the mark.
I also very much enjoyed the fact that what he sees verifies much of what we already know as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I also read on the internet that the Heaven is For Real movie beat out Captain America in the box office. Wow!
I hope you get the chance to see it. If you have had any experience with Heaven, I hope you'll ponder on these things and continue to learn more about them on our journey called life. =)
Okay, so when Easter Sunday came I found my faith being tried. I heard some great talks about the resurrection in our Church sacrament meeting, but they brought me to tears. We believe that Jesus was already brought back to life, his body and spirit are reunited, never to be separated again. And I accept this, I believe this. I also look forward to the day when I can hug my late husband again, but why did this year affect me so badly? I ended up leaving church early and crawling into bed. My family went to Grandma and Grandpa's and I stayed home. By mid afternoon the next day, I was back to my normal self. Bizzare? Perhaps not. I'd say normal.
On the following day I found myself with Brian's sweater on, shovel in one hand and flower bulbs in the other. Playing in the dirt is healing for me. I hadn't really done any gardening since the spring before Brian's accident. It felt so good.
Here are some things I just recently re-posted on my Pinterest board under backyard style:
This was found at Martha Stewart, however, someone posted that they used 2x2's instead and it was much cheaper.
Wow! I love this. I have no where to hang it yet, but I will keep this in mind.
On Sunday as I re-entered the hall I heard the speaker, "airplane…meet their maker…" and that was it, I couldn't enter the chapel. I swiftly exited the building and texted my hubby to let me know when the speaker was finished and if he could please comfort my little girls. (Chances were, and I was correct, that they were too busy drawing and quietly chatting with their cousins to really be paying much attention.) A sweet sister came outside and asked if I was okay (we call each other sisters btw). I was holding it together until she said that. Out came the big ugly cry face, and the tears poured out. I am grateful for her for noticing and giving me a hug.
Okay, so enough of that…
Some time ago my Husband took me out on a fabulous date. We had a fantastic dinner out and then we went to Mary Poppins! It was so great. If you ever get the opportunity - I recommend it.
And onto other things…I have had these pictures waiting to be posted to my blog for some time. I was tired of charging cords hanging all over the place so my husband and I cut out holes in our new night stands and voila!
(Open your drawer first)
We bought these at Staples
His
& hers
Okay, so hang on to your seats cuz there's more…
I was also very tired of having packages of spices in baskets and really just a big mess in my cupboard so one day I tackled this, (and our sweet Sister Missionaries stopped by and helped me finish up!)
My daughter helped me find every blue coloured lid at the dollar store! This entire container collection was under $30! (excluding the spices of course and including the smaller Ikea containers)
However, even the bigger glass containers would not hold the large bulk spices.
I bought these smaller Ikea containers because the dollar store ones did not close properly.
I didn't want to buy the expensive labels so instead I bought dollar store labels, and since I had chalk board paint, with help from another daughter, we painted them first.
Well friends, even though I do my very best, it's still a difficult journey but I am trying to be happy in it. =} How are you making out in your life's journey?
My closest friends have said I should be more honest with how my days truly are, how my life really is. What do I feel? What have I gone through? Well, that is, "easy for them to say. I want to share with the world my difficulties in order to help someone else, but I also want to share my triumphs with others too. Why is it so hard to be "real"? Because not everyone is ready for it, and some (more than I wish to say) get their feelings hurt.
It has been boiling down to this: me being willing to take the plunge. I figure those that were sitting on the fence, or being somewhat forced to be a part of my life due to the change is circumstances will either grow closer because they understand and care, be oblivious, or they will distance themselves. All the other people like this have already left my life in judgement. Some have been furious and others are seeming to make their way back.
Truth hurts. I hurt. My kids hurt. We hurt when others forget that we are still healing and ignore the look of pain in our eyes when they talk about Daddy's, death, fires, fire trucks, airplane crashes, birthdays, baptisms, Christmases, Halloweens, weddings etc. We trust that for the most part people aren't naturally trying to be mean. The truth is, if I had been 75 years old and my husband had died, I would have been treated differently than I am. But I am young & my children are young.
Brian is on the left.
Our children. My children. I love them so deeply. The accident shifted my heart in ways I did not expect. Yes, I loved them before, but I have to admit I loved Brian deeper. He was the only one who truly loved me unconditionally. He was always there, and he treated me like a Queen. When He died I went through a difficult time of wanting to be where Brian was and no one on earth could change that feeling. I had never been loved before like Brian loved me. (I have no siblings, and my family is…distant.) (Those who have suffered the loss of someone close are not shocked by this fact. Stages of grief, my friends… stages of grief.) When these feelings subdued, I recognized a deeper love for my girls, and a much deeper sense of protection.
So, my children and I have a new life, a new home, a new church family and a new family; a blended family at that. On paper it sounds uncomplicated but it has so many layers. I see how we (and they) try to fit in, but we always miss the mark. We are loved but not the same way. My joys and that of my children are not reciprocated as equally and this hurts but if you say anything then our hurt becomes greater, deeper, as others attack you for the way you feel. We need to talk and let everything out, but now-a-days there are few left to listen (unless you pay them to, I guess).
So, today I sit with exciting news inside my heart, but a deep sadness that I cannot share wholeheartedly. A sadness that this joy may be addressed briefly while others' news may take precedence. This is often the case. (Being hurt, means being sensitive.)
I was told by a Dr. that the best medicine is to be the best person you can be every day and that the healing would work itself out. I have been, silly! He doesn't know me except for a few minute sessions, but that's okay. I agree with that philosophy.
Today
My motivation today was the dentist and groceries. Get those done and perhaps make some time for me and study my fitness trainers programme. (yes, still!) I felt the need to blog and so I am taking me time to do to just that. I still feel like a cloudy day, but I am not genuinely unhappy. The drive to take care of my kids and my family keeps me running, and today I will run again as soon as the kids get home, until 8 pm tonight. I have only allowed my children to be involved in one extracurricular each, but this still keeps me hopping.
Someone from my church ward texted me, which I thought was super sweet. I have been feeling like I have no friends ever since we moved; feeling very alone. I do extend myself and make an effort. (The irony here is that whenever I say this out loud, people think I am joking. They have said I look like I have it all together--the prefect life. I have people who are jealous of me. Crazy. They don't want the life I have led. What are they thinking? I have to work super hard to be strong, courageous and still vulnerable so that my heart does not go hard. Maybe I make it look easy. hahah ;) Seriously, I am laughing a funny laugh here.)
So, what does your day look like for you? Are you struggling too? Reality is-we all are. Can we try to love one another for our differences? I am trying to love those who have turned their backs on me and continue to hurt me. I know they don't understand.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (of which I am a part) held it's 184th General Conference this past weekend. I heard this talk and loved it. I will watch it and read it again. Right now I share it with you.
