The leaves are a plethora of beautiful colours, the evergreen trees sit majestically on the mountais with happy little orange and yellow surprises amongst them. The sun was shining and the mountain sparkled when the light rested upon it.
This is part of my reflection. When The Son rests upon us, if we are patiently obeying, how much of His light will reflect and sparkle from us?
I have been fighting a battle again. This has been ongoing for sometime. It snuck in until it grew too large to be ignored. Anger. When you mess with evil feelings they grow larger and can invite more unwelcomed feelings too. Hurt. Resentment. (You get it)
I have been hurting and mad at my Maker for taking my best friend. I needed him here to baptize my two little girls. I have needed Brian when my girls miss him and are crying and I can do nothing to make the hurt go away. As the anger grew, my spirit suffered. My faith weakened. My relationships began to suffer too.
The heavens had slowly been closing their doors and I was no longer basking in His light. The blessings that I had enjoyed so effortlessly were fading and as I look back, that may have been when I began to struggle. As I was required to stand on my own-again.
I am still reading (since I began to homeschool my personal reading is time limited!) Journey to the Veil by John Pontius. I found his words enlightening.
I wish to quote his words, "When we pay the price for some new spiritual growth, we arrive at a spiritual high, or a type of honeymoon period where we bask in the new blessings, the powerful prayers, the peace, and constant revelation. Obedience is there because everything is so wonderful! ...But alas, we are living on borrowed light-the Lord's light. We are glowing with spiritual power that is not our own.
The Spirit begins to withdraw to give us the opportunity to continue in this level of obedience through the darkness...
The adversary whispers, '... See, you're not good enough. You're too weak to maintain any great blessings. '
The truth is that the rise of this additional opposition and loss of spiritual power is part of the plan. It gives us a chance to be tested at this new level of spiritual growth. "
He continues,"We are not lost in some spiritual wilderness but are climbing upward upon the ordained path that leads to eternal vistas.
It is the way of growth."
Phew. That makes me feel better.
Remember when I wrote about a great gift I received from the Lord? I felt unworthy because of the hurt, disappointment and anger I had been experiencing. I was feeling depressed on occasion too and beginning to doubt my worth. John's words are comforting when he says, "We should cease to chastise and punish ourselves because we are struggling. We should cease to berate ourselves because we have not yet conquered every obstacle. We should cease to shame ourselves because we seem to lack the strength to climb out of the hole we find ourselves in."
There is so much to learn in his life. Relying on our Savior is key.
There is so much to be grateful for.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
